18 January 2011

Yes, it is true. The Lord, my great Savior Jesus Christ saved me last month, December 2010.

How thankful and grateful I am for the boldness and humility of a friend in sharing his testimony. The Lord used that in my life as one of the final breaking points of my conversion.

Yes, I did believe myself to be a Christian beforehand. Yet the course of my life I would describe now as three years ignorant; thirteen years in false assurance; a year and a half in miserable uncertainty; and then a day that changed every day, month, and year that would follow.

God showed me through the wonderful passage in Romans 2 that I had spent my life as a “self-seeker,” (Romans 2:8) following me. He showed me my utter brokenness and helplessness before Him. He showed me that my faith up until that time was inadequate—a relying on my own faith and ability to trust, not on the Lord and His strength.

It was painful. But, my friends, “joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5) Never before had I rejoiced as I did that day. Never before had I understood true peace, true joy, true love. That Someone had laid down His life . . . for me.

Me. The one who is a sinner, the one who was self-seeking, the one who resisted Him.

Undeserving me.

But that, in itself, is one of the beauties of Christ’s love. He takes the weak and makes them strong. He takes the proud and makes them humble. He takes the clay, He molds the clay.

Joy Comes in the Morning

“For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin.” —Romans 6:5-7 [emphasis added]

I lay this before your feet, dear ones, desiring the Lord to use my story for His glory and the furtherance of His Kingdom. My pride got in the way from seeing what I truly was. But He changed me.

I beseech you, friends, to work out your salvation with fear and with trembling. (Philippians 2:12-13)

  1. 60 Responses to “I died last month.”

  2. Kimberly on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Dearest Emily Rose, you have no idea how precious it was for me to read this at this moment. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being willing to share. Thank You, Lord, for speaking through this dear girl!
    I have been coming to the same point that you described above through these last few months and weeks, and your testimony is just what I needed to confirm what I’ve slowly been coming to understand.
    God bless you, dear heart!

  3. Muthering Heights on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    What a beautiful story!!! I’m SO happy for you. I will never forget that moment in my life, and wish you ALL THE JOY that living in Christ brings!!! :)

  4. Lori Devine on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Your story sounds a bit like mine. I always told people that I became a Christian at age 10. What I found later in life was that my life was self serving-not that of a true believer. There was no change in my heart. It was about me instead of about Jesus. When I was 19 my dear sister in law to be introduced me to grace. It took me some time to grasp it. I guess because it was strange and didn’t make sense. I still think that it doesn’t make sense, but I am so thankful for it. I can look back in my life now and see repentance coming around that time. True repentance that turns a 180 and walks in the total opposite direction. True faith that falls on it’s face before God and admits it’s own unworthiness. My life had never been the same. I share in your you, for He saved me. And I don’t deserve it!

  5. Shelby on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    What a wonderful testimony Emily Rose!

  6. Marci on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    I am soooo happy for you! Congratulations! :) What a joy it is to walk with the Lord! :)

  7. Ashley on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    I’ve never really known what to say when someone gets saved. I mean, I’m always so thankful, and in my head “Praise the Lord” is running through it, but usually the best way for me to say anything is to just cry. That’s usually all I can do! I’m so thankful the Lord put that friend in your life, but I’m also so thankful the Lord kept dealing with you. There was a time when I was struggling, and even now those doubts come, because the devil starts telling me that I don’t have a testimony like others. I wasn’t a drunkard, I wasn’t on drugs, I didn’t run up and down the roads, I was just a 15 year old who hardly knew anything. But then my Saviour reminds me that I may not have done the things that other did, but I was a sinner lost without Him. He always takes me back to the night that He saved me, and He shows me the changes that took place in my heart and life.
    I’m love that you shared this, and I am so thankful that the old you did die! There is nothing like knowing the Lord, and knowing that eternity will be spent with Him!

  8. Annie on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Dear Emily Rose,
    I was somewhat surprised to read this…you have been such an inspiration to me through your blog for several years.
    But, what a true blessing! I am always encouraged to hear the testimonies of others of how the Lord brought them into the light. Thank you for sharing…it must have taken great humility for you to do so.
    Many blessings to you!
    From a sister in the Lord,
    Galatians 2:20

  9. Jenny on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Hello Emily – I have been reading your blog for a few months and have always apprecieted your sweetness. I don’t remember now how I came accross it, but I was attracted first to your name as our oldest daughter is “Emily” as well.
    I was so blessed by reading this post. More and more, I am hearing of young people realizing that they have never been born again, even though they grew up with all sorts of teaching. One of my daughter’s friends was saved just before Christmas. It is so encouraging to see this happening!
    Thank you for having the courage to share your joy.

  10. Rhonda Devine on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    A lovely sharing of Christ calling your heart to Him,
    From one sister to another:)

  11. Kate on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    I’ve been blessed by your courage this past month dear Emily Rose; I can’t wait to see the many ways that the Lord will continue to use your testimony, your life, for His glory.

    With love,

  12. Rachel on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    I rejoice with you, my new sister!!

  13. Nicole Egerer on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    It is so amazing how God’s word convicts us and teaches us His truth. I too have been convicted as of late while doing some bible study. He IS our hope and our salvation and it is so wonderful to know He did the work for us. And He covers our sins even when we make mistakes, even when we get mixed up on things. I know that in the last few years I have grown so much in my walk with the Lord. I often think about how little I knew or the things I may not have understood right away, but He is faithful. Praise Jesus, He is always there. While we were yet sinners, even enemies of God, He remained faithful and loved us still. That’s not only good news, that’s WONDERFUL NEWS!

    Thank you for sharing and may God continue to bless you! Your posts are inspirational and a blessing to others. Thank you!

    Kind Regards,

  14. Miss Rebekah Ann S. on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Oh, dear Emily, I’m rejoicing in the Lord with you! I have to say, this is one of the last things I expected to read on your blog today! I’m so thankful for your example, though. There are so many false converts out there today as a result of “easy believism” and false doctrine in the church, etc. I’m so thankful that you didn’t fight the Lord’s working in your heart, but instead truly considered your state and tested yourself to see whether you were in the faith. That’s so hard to do, I’m sure. It would have been easier for you to think, “Well, look at all this good I’m doing. Look at all I’m accomplishing for the Kingdom. Look at how much I’m serving the Lord. Of course I’m saved! And if I found out that I wasn’t, then I’d have to admit that to everyone who thinks I’m saved!” So, I have to say, I’m so proud of you, dear friend, and thankful for your example. I pray that through your faithful and beautiful testimony, others would come to saving faith in Jesus Christ. Welcome to the Family of God, dear sister! :) Love you!

  15. Janel on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    May you spend many wonderful years serving Jesus! {hugs}

  16. Joanna on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Oh Emily! How wonderful! My best friend here on earth just got saved last summer and we all thought she was saved since she was 5. She has grown so much and I look forward to seeing you grow too! Oh, it is so exciting when someone gets saved!
    Your sister in CHRIST,

  17. Robin on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    I’m so glad to hear this wonderful news, dear little Sister in Christ! I will be praying for you and praising the Lord for His mighty work in your life. I’m excited to see what the Lord will be doing in and through you in days to come.

  18. Anne Morrison on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    This is the most wonderful news. How awful to have a false assurance, and how gracious our Saviour was to convict you and give you TRUE salvation! What rejoicing…both here and in heaven, for ‘there is joy in the presence of the angels’ when one is truly saved. I’m going to follow you now so I can follow your progress x

  19. Homeschool on the Croft on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    This is the most wonderful news. How awful to have a false assurance, and how gracious our Saviour was to convict you and give you TRUE salvation! What rejoicing…both here and in heaven, for ‘there is joy in the presence of the angels’ when one is truly saved. I’m going to follow you now so I can follow your progress x

  20. Ellen on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Dear Emily Rose…thank you so much for sharing from your heart the Lord’s wonderful work in your life. ♥

  21. Heather on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Emily Rose,
    It has been quite sometime since I have been to your sweet blog. I just happened to see today’s post. This was such a moving post and I am so happy for you. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
    Bless you.

  22. Chas on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Emily Rose…
    Tears of joy for you.
    I all to well know of the pain you experienced.
    I went for 18! years. Knowing there was an ache that I couldn’t explain or pinpoint.
    Praising the Lord for you and with you!

  23. Elizabeth on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Thank you for sharing, sweet friend! It is so wonderful to have the sweet, blessed assurance of trusting in the Lord and having joy! Your blog has been such an encouragement to me so, as others have mentioned, this post was a bit of a surprise, but I am thankful that you shared and it reminds us to look to the Lord always and think through areas of our life that have struggles. This post was very inspiring & encouraging-may we press onward on this journey, trusting in our Savior’s love!

    Joyfully in Jesus,

  24. Melanie on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Emily Rose,
    I am so happy for you!!! Praise our glorious Lord and Saviour!!

    Like you, I lived many years thinking I was a Christian, but always worrying in case I wasn’t, and hoping that my faith, and my prayer when I was little, were “sincere enough”. I was thirteen when I finally turned fully to Christ and put complete faith in His ability to save me, and made Him the Lord of my life. What a glorious joy it is to know His grace is enough, that I am forgiven, that I am His child forever and ever by His grace and love and goodness!!

    This post brought great joy to my heart on a day where the weather was really getting me down. :-) Again, I am so happy for you! Praise God!!

    Your sister through Christ,

  25. Stephanie on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Thank yo so much for sharing and I am rejoicing with you! I wish I could hug you through the computer! Praise be to God! I understand you in how you say you died. Death is painful. I am experiencing this now in that I am mourning my past and all the time, years, moments that were wasted, without Him. Moments I will never again retrieve and now have an urgency to make up for, so to speak. I am clinging to all that is good and Holy. Seeking out like minded mentors and Christians to help me in my walk. Praise Him that he walks besides us. Even carries us. I lived many years knowing yet afraid to really believe because I have had many let downs from the world. I thought “who am I that He would die for me?” He is so supreme it’s hard for me to comprehend that kind of love. I am so delighted for you and your new life!

    Your friend,

  26. Elena on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Praise the Lord, Emily! This was so precious and encouraging to read. Thank you so much for your openness in sharing how our Lord saved you and for your urging us, your readers, to work out our own salvation! I truly appreciate it, sister!
    God bless you.


  27. Bonnie on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    That’s wonderful news!! So glad to hear it! :D

    And what a beautiful photo

  28. Suzanne on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Emily Rose, I, too, believed for many years (25-26) that I was saved and the Lord finally brought me to the realization that I wasn’t when I was 33. It’s hard to admit that to anyone, especially on a blog. I remember the brokenness (which was a tremendous blessing), the new found grace that I never really understood before, the security of my salvation, and now, the continued blessing of the Holy Spirit’s conviction on my heart. God is so good! Thanks so much for sharing!

  29. Miss. Antoinette on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    What a blessing your testimony is dear sister in Christ! <3
    I celebrate and rejoice with you and cannot tell you the tremendous joy I felt when your dear mother and sister shared with my mother and I at the conference such great news!*hugs*

    I pray this new year would bring much growth in the knowledge of our savior and that you would ever draw closer to Him and glorify Him in all your ways!

    I will be praying for you dear, and know that if you have any prayer requests, or just wish to share something or ask a question (by first turning to your parents for guidance) please know that you are welcome to write to me at any time my dear! <3

    “So, whether you eat, drink, or whatever you do, do ALL to the glory of God.” ~1 Corinthians 10:31~

    Much love and blessings from your sister in Christ,

    Miss Antoinette
    ~Proverbs 31:30-31~

  30. Unknown Artist on Jan 18, 2011 said:


  31. Miss Jen on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    SO wonderful…. rejoicing with you in this
    wonderful news, dearest Emily Rose!!!
    Praise the Lord for His goodness and grace!

    With Much Love Your Sister in Christ~

    “For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.” ~Psalm 86:5

  32. tracie @ {tsj} photography on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    oh how i needed this smile & this encouragement! i am saved and walking an incredible journey with our Savior! but i at this moment, i am broken. HE is with me and i get great strength in that knowledge … but your sweet post is just sweetness for my ears tonight! thank you! and thank you Lord for reminding me of your saving power!

  33. jennifer @ her southern charm on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    This is especially encouraging for those of us that are traveling down a broken and unsure road right now. Thank you for sharing and I pray some day that I will have your assurance and the joy found in that. :)

  34. Katie on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    What can I say? I’m speechless with surprise and joy. Praise the Lord!!!! May He who has been faithful to begin a good work in you, continue to draw you to Himself every day that you live.

    Welcome to His family, sweet Sister! I can’t wait until the day we sing before the Throne together.

  35. Melissa M. on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    I’m so happy for you!! I went through the same thing, too, and it was certainly hard, but I am so grateful the Lord saved me and shows me His hand and leads me, despite my sin.
    May God continue be precious to and guide you as you as you grow in Him!

  36. Sandy on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    I love you Emily Rose and I love what God is doing in and through you! May He be glorified in everything we think, say and do!

  37. Viola Mahr on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    Praising God! I read your blog… but have never commented…
    but this brought me out, to say I share your joy. SO many children say simple prayers, yet never know true commitment… and stay deceived. I’m so thankful God delivered you, as he did for me too! When I was fifteen… now I’m eighteen, and still so grateful for His genuine salvation.

    Thank you Lord! :)

  38. Annie Joy on Jan 18, 2011 said:

    What a precious moment! I am rejoicing with you, dear sister in Christ!

  39. Hand sisters on Jan 19, 2011 said:

    Oh Emily, I’m so happy for you! Praise the Lord that He still wants us even when we are certain we don’t need Him! I am so thankful that I can rejoice with you in this, knowing that it’s the same miraculous change in your heart as the one that has been (and continues to be) worked in my own. I know that God will be faithful to complete the good work He has begun in you.

    “And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowldge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Eph. 3:17

    with love,


  40. Anne Belley on Jan 19, 2011 said:

    PRAISE GOD! “But to all who received him, who believed in His name, He gave power to become children of GOd, who were born,not of blood nor of the will of the flesh or the will of man, but of God.” John 1:12-13 OF GOD! May He use you to reach so many others who are floundering in the treacherous sea of false comfort without true conversion!

    This type of testimony brings Him so much glory. Yes, salvation IS of the Lord!

    Thank you for the encouragement. Mrs. Belley

  41. Sarah Mae on Jan 19, 2011 said:

    I think what is really beautiful is how you are just catching up with God, because He had already chosen you…now you just really know it. :)

    Love you!

  42. Rachel Noel on Jan 19, 2011 said:

    How wonderful! I myself was just a couple of weeks ago celebrating the one year anniversary of my coming to Christ. Or I should say of Him calling me out of my self. I had been a nominal Christian all my life, but I had lived for over a year in doubt over my salvation, but God used this time to break my stubborn heart and bring me to my knees. To God be the glory!

  43. Pamela Leding on Jan 19, 2011 said:

    Dear Emily Rose,

    You are a shining witness for the Lord! His saving work is clearly
    manifested in your heartfelt testimony! May the Lord use you
    mightily for the advancement of His Kingdom!

    Love in Christ,
    Pam Leding

  44. Marie Brewer on Jan 19, 2011 said:

    ♩♪♫♬Blessed assurance Jesus is mine!♫♪♫♬ O what a foretaste of glory divine! ♫♬♪Heir of salvation, purchase of God, ♬♪♩born of His Spirit washed in His blood! ♬♫♬♪This is my story, ♬♪♫this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long!♩♪♫♬
    Love you Emily!! ♡
    Marie :)

  45. Merrie on Jan 19, 2011 said:

    Oh how wonderful to have assurance! Like Jennifer, I too hope desperately that I will have the same. It’s even more encouraging that you *seemed* saved (and had false assurance) and God saved you out of even that dangerous position.
    Blessings, this is joyful news.

  46. Sarah on Jan 19, 2011 said:

    Praise the LORD!! I’m so glad for you!

  47. Bethany on Jan 20, 2011 said:

    What a beautiful glorious thing. Rejoicing with you in Christ!

  48. Samantha on Jan 20, 2011 said:

    Congrats girl! God is so good isn’t he!

  49. Leah on Jan 20, 2011 said:

    Dear Emily,

    What a blessing… I am SO happy for you!

    God gives so much joy to us when we open our arms and let Him take hold of us.

    I’ve grown up in a Christian home my whole life and for me it’s really been a slow process and at the beginning I too, was living my life for …ME.

    Not for my Savior.

    Your story brings tears to my eyes. Such a realization as to how broken I am. Only Christ makes me whole.

    Thanks so much for sharing.


  50. Seeking to follow on Jan 20, 2011 said:

    I just wanted to say what a blessing this was to me. In some ways, my story is similar, yet it’s different too. I first made a profession of faith when I was three years old. But later on I struggled with doubts for many years, though I can’t say when those doubts began. Even up to a couple years ago, I was still struggling. Did I really understand any of it? Was I just being a copycat? Had I truly trusted the Lord? I can’t tell you when the doubts stopped. But a few weeks ago I was asked to share my testimony on a website for encouraging young ladies, and I realized “the doubts have gone”. I can’t point to a date when I was saved. I can’t point to a time the doubts started. I can’t point to a time that the doubts left. But none of that really matters. All that matters is that I know, I am His and He is mine.

    It was hard the first time I shared my testimony. At heart, I’m a very shy person. I can get pretty talkative once I get to know somebody, and I’ve learned to hide that shyness. But I don’t really open up my heart, even to my family. I can’t do it in person, it’s so much easier in front of a computer screen. Even so, being asked to share something like that – even with the anonymity of the internet – was hard. I suppose there was a little bit of fear there too. Can’t everybody point to a day when they were saved? Even if they don’t know the exact date, don’t they remember it? If I can’t, will they think that maybe I’m not saved? Silly, but it was still there. The Lord showed me that what “they” think doesn’t matter, He is all that matters. And so now I’m trusting Him to guide me, every step of my way.

    The angels are singing, for the lost has been found! :-)

  51. Rachel Crosswhite on Jan 20, 2011 said:

    Emily ~

    God bless you as you walk wih him!


  52. Rebecca Gibson on Jan 21, 2011 said:

    Isn’t He wonderful! He pursues us and makes us His own. I am rejoicing with you dear sister. Thank you for being bold and sharing your salvation story with the rest of us. I believe it is a powerful testimony and will lead others to the ONLY way to God the Father through His son Jesus.

  53. Heidi on Jan 22, 2011 said:

    Hi Emily,

    I came across your vintage flower post this morning and have happily made my first one. (They are so easy and beautiful!) Then as I checked out your Facebook page I saw this post. What a wonderful joy that your dear friend had the boldness and courage to share Christ’s grace and freedom with you. May He continue to lead you discover His beauty and reveal His beauty to others- for His glory.

    A sister in Christ in Paris.

  54. Melinda @ Trailing After God on Jan 23, 2011 said:

    Congratulations sister in Christ! What a brave and beautiful post!

    Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God

  55. Pauline on Jan 24, 2011 said:

    Congratulations! I’m so happy for you! It scared me a minute when I saw the title,”I died last month”
    I guess you did !

  56. Katie on Jan 26, 2011 said:

    This is beautiful and inspiring. Thank You for sharing this and Thank The Lord for letting me come across your blog!

  57. Tiana on Jan 27, 2011 said:

    I have a similar testimony, Emily Rose. False assurance…guilt…confusion…darkness…and then finally, the blessed truth that Jesus died to save ME, a lost hopeless sinner. Such joy and peace.

    Rejoicing with you!

  58. Jackie on Feb 13, 2011 said:

    Hi, Emily Rose.

    My mom recommended your blog to me a few days ago; this is my first time reading it, actually. I found this post to be very similar to my own story. For many years, I thought I was saved, but in the past few, I’ve gone through spiritual turmoil. It was last year when God got a hold of me and made me realize that I was a self-righteous fake; He showed me the meaning of grace and led me to finally unveil myself before Him, admitting to being a sinner in need of HIS saving. I’m so thankful that God showed you your need for Him as He did for me. It’s so amazing to see how merciful and powerful Jesus is and the changes He can make in people! May God fill your years with everlasting joy, sister in Christ :)

  59. Sarah Beals on Feb 27, 2011 said:

    PTL! I have checked your blog a couple of times recently and love your art work. I am also a water color artist and have been painting since I was in high school. (I am old, 38! :)
    The Lord has given you this talent, and now you can fully use it to His glory!
    Mrs. Sarah Beals

  60. Melissa on Sep 15, 2011 said:

    How awesome to come across this posting! What a blessing to read! Thank you so much for sharing your own testimony with the world! May the Holy Spirit do much work in you! From a fellow sister in Christ! Bless you!

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